CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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