look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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