If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
