Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
