I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
