i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I accidentally had phone sex last night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
