Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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