I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
