so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
