What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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