i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
