all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
