WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
