I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
