dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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