The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
