im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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