I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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