can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
