he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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