if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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