You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
