My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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