She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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