she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
