did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
