my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
