Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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