Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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