spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
