he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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