I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
