i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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