They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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