I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
