fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
