Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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