Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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