I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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