i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
