he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
