i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
