I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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