Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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