Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
