Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
