I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
