I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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