just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
