i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
